Condolences

I loved my mother-in-law. She was a wonderful, thoughtful, patient, strong and generous woman whom I was so glad to have in my life, to whom I was happy to be a daughter for any length of time. Throughout most of our relationship, while Elger and I lived an ocean apart, she had fought through cancer and entered remission twice, defying odds with grace, humor and fierceness. During her last remission, this summer, she and Elger's father and brother brought us a "Welkom in Nederland" cake, and we had coffee, and everything was finally exactly the way we had all been hoping for so long. Everyone was here, everyone was healthy. She saw that Elger and I had finally won the right to live together, which is a comfort, and in turn it meant that I was here to comfort them as they lost her. Two months after that coffee, she was given the news that her cancer had come back, and within a month she was back in the hospital, fighting her way out of a coma to live and smile at us and jokingly tell us to "go away" so she could sleep. In December, she faded away, in peace. All anyone can do when someone is lost is offer a hug, and remember them at their realest and most vibrant. Anke was so vibrant and real, and we love her, and she is, and will always be, missed.

These are photos from the past month since her passing, during a winter that, while bleak, is suited to long walks for thoughts to fall into place.

This photo is one that I took during the summer of 2010, when my mom came to the Netherlands for the first time to meet Anke during her previous bout of cancer. It is a photograph that I value so highly, knowing they were also able to meet.

This final photo was taken by Elger's father of Anke on the beach at Terschelling, where Hans and Anke first started dating, and the island where Elger and I had our first true date. This was the photograph used for her funeral announcement, and it says everything better than I would dare try.